So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
