I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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