everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
