My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something