i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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