You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think my moral compass just broke
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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