boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
