I will die if light touches me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
