I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
