She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
