If that was your dad, he is hot
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I AM VODKA MAN
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
