please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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