im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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