I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
