I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
