Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
