Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
