btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
