three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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