I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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