is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
