She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
