I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
