i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
