I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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