Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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