You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
