hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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