I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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