You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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