tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
