Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
