Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.