I need to stop coming to work sober
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
