she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it