Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
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So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.