i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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