isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
