haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize