Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
