did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
