Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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