all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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