Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
