he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
