I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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