How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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