I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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