Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
