dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
