loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
