he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
