there's paper in my vomit.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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