Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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