Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
