I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
