suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
