Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
