We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
