I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
