if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
