Where is the hickey?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
