I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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