***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
