Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
